


Note to Self: Don't Do It You Sonofa-

by taekwoncheeks



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Confusion, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Drama, Gen, Idk what that last tag is honestly but it fits, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Inspired by Game Grumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 15:14:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12345207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekwoncheeks/pseuds/taekwoncheeks
Summary: Usually, one can expect for abnormalities to occur at any given point in time without notice while being a university student - especially among a group of six men - and today was no exception to that expectation.Hakyeon should've known better than to take that damned first year under his wing.





	Note to Self: Don't Do It You Sonofa-

**Author's Note:**

> Hi kids.  
> I got inspired by a few things to finally write up whatever this is. I plan on it being a little series with inconsistent additions, just whenever I have time and inspiration. This started off as something lighthearted and cracky and just not serious and I just had to add actual plot so there is some "plot" in this. For now, there's no relationships or anything but that could change, I don't know. This "story" is completely up in the air.  
> Okay, I think that's enough warnings. I hope you all enjoy, drop a kudos, comment, whatever.

Usually, one can expect for abnormalities to occur at any given point in time without notice while being a university student - especially among a group of six men - and today was no exception to that expectation.

So far, there were no hiccups in Hakyeon’s day. His classes carried on as normal, a few of his floormates sought him out for advice around lunchtime, and he had to tell room 304 to cut the music down or else the whole floor would get a warning. Despite the hushed curses he heard from the room of first years, his day wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. Now that everything was dwindling down and his studies were finished, it was time for what he liked to call: Shut-Up-It’s-T.V.-Time.

Taekwoon always joined him for whatever show was on at the given time slot and the two would become a tangled mess of limbs on Hakyeon’s small couch to assume any comfortable position. However today, there wasn’t so much of a cohesive mass as Taekwoon pillowed his head with Hakyeon’s lap, long legs dangling over the armrest. Hakyeon’s fingers mindlessly combed through Taekwoon’s soft hair as the dim orange glow of the afternoon sun slowly, oh so slowly, lulled him to a brief nap. A nap that was soon interrupted by the rapid tattering at his dorm’s door.

Without Hakyeon asking, Taekwoon got up from his cozy and warm spot (he was in direct view of a ray of sunlight) to answer the obnoxious knocking. His dusty joins creaked and cracked with every stretch he made.

The peephole exposed the first year Sanghyuk waiting outside the door with his laptop in hand. Before Taekwoon could pull the heavy door completely open, Sanghyuk already rammed his way through the room, surprising Taekwoon with his strength.

“Sanghyuk! What’s wrong?” Hakyeon asked on high alert, all traces of drowsiness gone as his RC instincts kicked in.

“Ah shoot, why did I bring this,” Sanghyuk mumbled to himself as he cast the laptop aside on an empty space of Hakyeon’s desk. “Guys, we gotta get the group together.”

“Why, what’s going on? Did something happen?” Hakyeon continued, his eyes briefly darting over to Taekwoon who looked just as confused with his spooked eyes.

“I was watching the Game Grumps and I got this idea we can all do together,” Sanghyuk explained as he clasped his hands together, completely ignoring the vigilance in Hakyeon’s voice with his own chirpy and ecstatic tone.

Hakyeon focused in on Sanghyuk as he tried to decipher the foreign words. One look over at Taekwoon again and the man gave a shrug. “What the hell is a Game Grumps?”

“Oh my gosh,” Sanghyuk exclaimed like he just couldn’t believe he was dealing with such grandpas. “They’re American gaming youtubers and there’s like a whole bunch of them, but there are these two main guys and they play games and talk about games, and other stuff but that’s not the important part-

“You watch American youtubers?” Taekwoon interrupted and thankfully cut Sanghyuk’s rant short. “You can understand what they say?”

The question loomed in the air for a few beats as Sanghyuk processed that the tight-lipped man not only spoke up but also interrupted his speech. “My major is International Relations? I should be able to understand that much English,” Sanghyuk as if he was claiming the obvious.

Wrinkles were still apparent between Taekwoon’s tensed eyebrows since it was not as obvious as Sanghyuk thought. “But you’re only a first year?”

“Oh - I took extra studies for English in high school,” Sanghyuk clarified. Finally comprehending the situation, Taekwoon’s head slowly nodded along like a sailboat bobbing along the waves of an open sea. He felt proud of the young student.

“Okay, moving on! What do these Game Grump people have to do with anything?” Hakyeon chimed in since apparently everyone else forgot why Sanghyuk bum-rushed the door in the first place.

“I don’t want to explain any further without the rest of the guys, it has to be a group thing,” Sanghyuk reiterated, standing firm with his words.

All sorts of alarms suddenly went off in Hakyeon’s head. First, the classic police car warning him of the dread ahead and he even heard the high lilt of a cuckoo clock. The last thing he should do is trust any first year, let alone that first year being Han Sanghyuk. He had only known the student for a little over a semester but it didn’t take much to find out how clever and conniving the kid was. He learned this lesson quick while being his RC.

So of course, Hakyeon sunk into his couch, weighed with apprehension and wariness about Sanghyuk’s plan. “What the hell are you up to?” Hakyeon asked and Sanghyuk’s face immediately lit up knowing he successfully baited and hooked his senior.

“Don’t worry, Hyung, it’s gonna be fun.”

* * *

 

Nothing about Sanghyuk’s plan was fun. Not being squished on a small dingy couch in a small a less dingy apartment with three other men, not hearing Hongbin complain about said couch being flattened by all the weight, and definitely, not Sanghyuk’s plan in its entirety.

If it wasn’t for Hakyeon’s reflexes (other RC’s wished they could be trained to have Hakyeon’s natural quick hand-eye coordination and sixth sense), Taekwoon would have been out the door the minute Sanghyuk opened his mouth. But he wasn’t. He was there, wedged between Hakyeon and Jaehwan and forced to hear more of the offending demon in disguise that stood in front of him.

“I don’t understand, are we going to a bathhouse?” Hakyeon questioned, trying to making sense out of whatever Sanghyuk was saying. Honestly, he could use some relaxation time after the exams he took (and aced) last week.

“No, no no. We are going to get naked right here, right now and bond as bros.”

At that moment, all the other five men became one single hivemind as they all thought: What the actual fuck. However, nobody knew who should speak this question into existence first.

“Okay, who invited the first year?” Hongbin spoke up from his spot on the floor, pointing at Sanghyuk as if he couldn’t see the finger jabbed in his view.

Wonsik, Hongbin’s roommate and co-renter of the too-small-for-six-tall-men apartment raised his hand similar to if he was in a classroom. “Are you gay?”

“On the contrary, my good sir,” Sanghyuk answered, the chirpiness in his voice back like he was waiting to answer that question. “In fact, I’m so secure with myself as a straight man that I could kiss anyone of you guys, strip naked with you all, and it wouldn’t be a big deal ‘cause I’m just that secure with myself and my masculinity.”

“Sounds pretty gay to me,” Jaehwan added and Wonsik snickered off to his side.

“It’s not gay! The point is for men who are bros to go through the ultimate test of friendship and security together.”

“What the actual fuck?” It was then that Hongbin finally said what everybody else couldn’t.

Jaehwan quickly shushed him, the harsh noise cutting through the room. “Wait...that’s actually the most brilliant idea I’ve ever heard.”

“You have got to be kidding m-

“Shh!” The sound was loud this time as Jaehwan blindly reached across Taekwoon to shut Hakyeon up. Not only was his hand licked in defense but the cat otherwise known as Taekwoon left him with bite marks that didn’t even bother him. Taekwoon rose a brow at that. “Think about it, it’s just like being in a bathhouse, except it’s not, and because it’s not, it puts you in a situation where you would presume it should be awkward and uncomfortable, but if you’re truly comfortable with yourself and the people you’re with, then you should feel absolutely nothing. It’s brilliant!”

“See, he gets it!” Sanghyuk shouted and outstretched his hand towards Jaehwan for a high five.

“Why whenever you spout some deep shit, it’s always utter nonsense?” Hongbin questioned, coming close to the verge of kicking everybody out.

“Did you steal one of my joints?”

“Wonsik! What did I say about smoking pot?”

“...I’m not stripping in front of you all,” was all Taekwoon had to say on the matter while everybody else bickered. Though in Sanghyuk’s eyes, it was the wrong thing to say.

The well built, broad, might as well be the human terminator in a young body, approached Taekwoon steadily, never breaking eye contact. Taekwoon stood his ground, determined to not let the damned first year intimidate him, however, his nails were close to ripping holes in his jeans.

As if they were dogs who could sense a storm was brewing, Hakyeon and Jaehwan scooted over as much as they could, even if it meant squishing all their organs together.

“Do you not consider yourself and the rest of the group as your friends, your fellow bros, as dudes in action together? Furthermore, on a more personal level, do you not feel comfortable with yourself as a man?” The words were meant to sting as Sanghyuk recklessly loomed over Taekwoon. He could not let Sanghyuk win, dammit.

“Do not try to psychoanalyze me,” Taekwoon spat, pushed the young student away from him.

“I guess I’ll take that as a no then.”

He will not let Sanghyuk win.

He WILL NOT let Sanghyuk win.

...Damn it.

Hakyeon touched Taekwoon’s knee, making sure he was still functioning as red quickly washed over his entire face. Taekwoon was indeed functioning on some level as he quickly sprung up from his spot on the couch and made an excuse to go to the restroom that Hakyeon couldn’t comprehend. He tried to catch the man before he ran off but his reflexive skill was of no avail this time around.

A disgruntled sigh came from Hakyeon, catching Sanghyuk’s attention. “This is absolutely ridiculous,” Hakyeon spoke on behalf of Taekwoon. May he find peace in the bathroom.

It was even more ridiculous for Hakyeon considering he was surrounded by a bunch of straight men. Men that could possibly feel violated and disgusted if they found that they showcased their dicks to their friend who was gay. This was all unbeknownst to them and Hakyeon planned to keep it that way. However, if Tweedledee on the floor and Tweedledum actually put up with the stupid plan, Hakyeon’s own plan could easily come to shambles.

“It’s okay Hyung, I know not everybody can be as secure with themselves like me,  unless, we’re not as close as I think?” Sanghyuk responded, playing his hand at delving into Hakyeon’s mind.

“Nice try, Hyuk. I just don’t see the point of this.”

“I already laid out the point for everybody!” Jaehwan exclaimed.

“Now that that’s settled,” Sanghyuk cut in, “it’s now or never, who’s in for the D-Club?”

“D-Club? What the hell?” Hongbin questioned, once again, interrogating everything that came out of Sanghyuk’s mouth like it was his job.

“It’s the name of the club…”

“D as in dick?”

“Yes, D as in dick,” Sanghyuk nodded, ignoring the “What the fuck” that he heard come from the floor.

“Forget the dicks. Club? This is a club? I thought this was just a one-time thing?!” Hakyeon blurted, slowly reaching the edge of his limit.

“No, this is a club, a bro thing!” Sanghyuk declared.

“I swear if you say bro one more time-

“Hush, Hongbin.”

“I’m your Hyung!”

“Anyways, it’s something for us to get together and be able to hang out in the comfort of everybody’s nakedness and look each other in the eye and be normal while...hanging out or something, you get it!” Sanghyuk further explained for the umpteenth time and Hakyeon realized he could have easily gone his whole life without this night ever happening. “So who’s in?”

“Me, me!” Jaehwan shouted again as he shot his hand high in the air.

Sanghyuk’s eyes traveled across the couch to meet Wonsik’s. The poor man cowered under the weight of the stare and Sanghyuk wasn’t even trying his best to subdue him. Wonsik gave in and now it was his roommate’s turn.

Hongbin felt slightly betrayed by his closest friend. They did nearly everything together and Wonsik quickly caved in knowing Hongbin would have little choice but to acquiesce to the...club. He already regretted his decision.

“I’m going to check in on Taek,” Hakyeon announced once Tweedledum and Tweedledee yielded.

Hakyeon left the room of traitors to make sure his friend was still alive - because if he died, how dare he leave Hakyeon alone to deal with those hooligans. There was no need to knock as Hakyeon pushed the door open and was met with a Taekwoon cowering on top of the toilet stool seat. He reminded Hakyeon of a contortionist he once saw at a circus as a child, except, the fear on his face wasn’t masked.

“Hey, are you okay?” Hakyeon asked cautiously as he closed the door behind him.

“Yeah, I’m okay, I’m just… a little overwhelmed because of Hyuk and his stupid ideas and… and him saying stupid things and trying to pressure me into doing something I said I wouldn’t do like he can control me,” Taekwoon confessed though it was already easy for Hakyeon to see, but he was still proud that Taekwoon was able to speak his worries.

“You know Hyuk is only nineteen years old and can’t pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do,” Hakyeon reminded the senior.

“Why don’t you remind Hyuk’s attitude and body that he’s only nineteen!” Taekwoon shrieked and Hakyeon had to hold his laughter at the shrill voice, “What nineteen-year-old looks and acts like that, what are they feeding kids these days?”

“I wish I knew, could’ve used some of it growing up,” Hakyeon commented as he looked at himself in the small bathroom mirror. He looked just as tired as he felt.

“You’re not short,” Taekwoon stated.

“I know, it would just be nice to not hang on the edge of 179 centimeters.” The words flew from his mouth as the mirror took away his attention.

A blanket of silence fell on the two but it wasn’t thick nor was it cramping them. The mirror managed to pull Hakyeon’s attention away as he became fixated on fixing the part in his bangs. He had nobody to “show off” to and had nowhere else to go but it made him feel better, more confident, knowing he looked presentable, no matter the situation.

Meanwhile, the contortionist slowly unraveled his legs from on top of the toilet stool lid so he could place his feet flat on the ground. One look over at Hakyeon and he knew something was bustling around in his head. Hakyeon was one who always nestled comfortably in silence. He was the type of person who could easily be in everybody’s face and schmooze for hours, but Taekwoon knew he preferred the quiet times to be with himself, especially when something truly bothered him. Times that let silence wrap its way around him like it was doing now. It was just a matter of Taekwoon prying enough to find out what was wrong.

“So, are you going to do the… ‘thing’ with them?” Taekwoon reached out.

“No, I don't think so. It's stupid.” Hakyeon's eyes never left his reflection as he spoke.

“I thought you were close to everybody, wouldn't you be willing to take ‘the ultimate test of friendship’?” The words came out cautiously as Taekwoon continued taking small steps to provoke Hakyeon further.

“It's not the friendship part I'm worried about.” Hakyeon cut his explanation close and a frustrated sigh almost escaped from Taekwoon. He was so close.

“Are you maybe not… _secure_ with yourself?” Taekwoon asked, his eyes gesturing down to Hakyeon's crotch.

Hakyeon idly waved his hand in the air, brushing off Taekwoon as if he didn’t just question his manhood. “It’s not that but, you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Hakyeon, can you really not tell _me_ what’s wrong? That is insulting.”

“ _Taekwoon_ , there’s nothing wrong,” Hakyeon declared, pulling himself away from the mirror that’s too spotless to belong to two men in college. He would have to remember to start visiting the apartment before going out.

“I repeat, I’m insulted.” Taekwoon’s already small yet pouty lips jutted out and if it was possible, Hakyeon could’ve sworn that the melted pools of chocolate in his eyes swelled. It was a face that Taekwoon only dared to show to Hakyeon in times of need.

“Taek, you’re the one who needs worrying over. For goodness sake’s, you’re sitting on a toilet about to have an aneurysm from a nineteen-year-old peer pressuring you into a club,” Hakyeon pointed out.

“He’s a big nineteen-year-old!”

Hakyeon burst into laughter as he agreed with Taekwoon. Sanghyuk was indeed big. The contagious laughter spread and a few wrinkles cracked into the corners of Taekwoon’s eyes as well.

The two didn’t laugh for long. When they calmed down, they were faced with the reality of the situation again. Outside of the bathroom door, Sanghyuk and the others were waiting for them and their answer, one Taekwoon didn’t have yet. He didn’t feel like he was close enough to everybody outside and having their limp dicks in his face sure wouldn’t help him.

In spite of that, he was challenged and his pride was questioned. No matter how big or how small, Taekwoon never took his challenges lightly and always wanted to prove himself. It’s how he landed himself as the head of his high school’s soccer team and ended up with a college scholarship somehow. It was truly all a blur to him. Nevertheless, this included challenges that involved flapping flaccid dicks around. Maybe, just maybe he could…

“If we stay in here any longer, they might think something is really wrong,” Hakyeon interrupted his thoughts.

Taekwoon sighed but he felt like he had his mind in order finally. So out of the bathroom, they went.

After stepping outside, they were met with Hongbin’s and Jaehwan’s distressed eyes. “Are you guy’s okay? I mean - you two were in there for awhile so I thought - I mean, my toilet is still intact, right?”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Hongbin quickly peeped and looked the other way though there wasn’t anything else that was worth observing in the living room. Unless he wanted to stare at the tree outside the window that could barely be seen in the darkness of the night.

The other’s ignore Hongbin’s word vomit and Sanghyuk stared at the two expectantly with a raised brow. “So…?” Taekwoon plopped down on the sofa, Sanghyuk’s gaze following him.

Jaehwan nudged Taekwoon, nearly knocking him over. “Pretty please, Hyung, you have to join the club, it’ll be empty without you,” Jaehwan whined as Taekwoon ferociously shook him off. It was the only way to get his claws off of him.

“I highly doubt that, but,” Taekwoon started before finally meeting Sanghyuk’s stare, “I’ll do it, under the condition that Hakyeon does it with me.”

“What!” Hakyeon slapped his hand across Taekwoon’s shoulder, more out of shock then the need to knock some sense into the broad man. “That’s not what we talked about at all!”

Taekwoon shrugged, dismissing the dramatic gasp that came from Hakyeon. Sanghyuk challenged his wellbeing as a man and as a friend (even though once again they barely knew each other!) and he would accept it with full force. Although he wasn’t only going to conquer the newcomer, he needed to know what was going on with Hakyeon and if there was any way to do it, it would be through this so-called test of friendship.

“I can’t believe you,” Hakyeon croaked. Now Hakyeon was the one feeling the peer pressure, whether it was illogical or not. He didn’t want to put himself at risk but the idea of seeing Taekwoon actually going along with this was something he couldn’t miss.

The more Hakyeon thought about it, the more he realized how irrational his fear was. He could only get “caught” if he did something to expose himself. That would involve means like ogling over his friends, friends he has never ogled over, would never ogle over because they’re his _friends_.

Once and for all, he shook the crazy notion out of his head (while still hoping it wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass) and opened his mouth.

“Fine, I’ll join the damn club.”

“Ha! Told y’all he would do it,” Wonsik chimed as Jaehwan shook Taekwoon, only because Taekwoon let him.

The ringleader of it all threw his hands up in the air victoriously. “Finally! Dicks out for the D-Club!”

Down on the floor, poor Hongbin practically combusted as a look of terror plastered itself on his face. “Do you have any idea how thin these walls are?!”

“See,” Sanghyuk brought his hands down and pointed at Hongbin, making a spectacle of his shock, “This is the exact reason for the D-Club. If Hongbin was secure with himself, he wouldn’t worry about what other people think through the walls.”

Hongbin muttered curses under his breath that were also ignored.

“Well, you all heard the man! Dicks out, chop chop!” Jaehwan interjected and undid his belt and pants in a flash and reached in them to whip his dick out.

A high shrill of a scream came from somewhere but no one knew where.

“Taekwoon, this is your fault!”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter @taekwoncheeks if you can


End file.
